Gabriel Hummel » Social Skill

The Worst Advice You Were Ever Given

Gabriel Hummel — Thu, 24 Jun 2010 19:10:51 +0000

When people think of advice, they often point to the best advice they got from a mentor, teacher, or some other artisan

What people don’t think about very often is the notion of bad advice

Bad advice is given to us all the time, and most of the time you probably find that you don’t even acknowledge it

Other times though, you may find yourself taking it to heart and putting it into practice only to be kicking yourself at some later time

Don’t worry, everyone goes through this

Some advice though is given at such an early and impressionable age that it might still have some lasting impact on us

This leads me to the question,

What is the single worst piece of advice you have ever gotten?

If you can’t think of one, I think I can nail one down sufficiently for you

“Don’t talk to strangers”

Remember this little tidbit you were fed from the first moment you could walk and talk and even poop your own pants

The heart of the advice is in the right place, protect the kids from all of the bad people that may hurt them

Has anyone really thought about the implications of this?

Its one thing to have kids avoid people telling them to get into cars when they don’t know who they are, that’s smart parenting

When a child is inherently told not to trust people, the consequences could prove to damper their growth and potential for years to come

Strangers are not bad people, I can count on two hands how many strangers I have ever met in life that ever struck me as people you should absolutely stay away from

Children should have some freedom to operate

I don’t necessarily want them running up to every person they see and saying hi, but I know that is a far better situation than a child who is too shy to talk to anyone but their parents

Talking to new people has so many positive benefits that the positives for a child far outweigh the negatives

Confidence, learning, personal growth, cultivation of creativity, etc

There is a laundry list of things that a child will gain from being more proactive about new people

Is my idea radical? Maybe

I say if we had a whole generation of kids who were never taught that rule and never had it impact their lives, we would be looking at the next group of people to establish world peace, technological revolutions, and other random acts of amazing-ness

So make sure your child knows where the real dangers lie, and encourage them to expand and reach out to the many people that surround them

Don’t be a stranger

Gabriel

Spreading the Wealth

Gabriel Hummel — Fri, 30 Apr 2010 22:36:10 +0000

(Great picture, lame message)

So let’s say that you are like Richie Rich in life

Maybe not with things, but more so with knowledge, skills, and relationships

Whether you are an expert on electronics, know how to easily create a work of art, or simple know how to drink a pitcher of beer in under 5 seconds, there are areas in your life that you have some level of talent over

These talents are things that either came to you naturally or grew over the course of much trial and error. The beauty of having these talents is that they will typically never leave you, especially if you enjoy practicing them on a regular basis

Now for the million dollar question, do you like to share that information?

Are you the type of person who finds it hard to keep a secret that is going to impact someone’s life in a majorly positive way?

Do you know the best way to make a model train and spend time with children showing them how a whole world can be created with only a few tools?

Do you know how to lift people’s spirits at the drop of a hat and make it your business to put a smile on as many people’s faces as humanly possible?

Or are you a hoarder?

Do you know the best technique to shoot a 3 pointer but refuse to expose your secret?

Are you a talented writer who doesn’t want to share their work for fear of people stealing your ideas?

Do you know the secret to happiness but don’t want to tell anyone else because you are afraid of what they might think of you?

It is important to understand not only what your “good stuff” is, but to share it as much as possible

Just like when you do some form of charity work and get a high from helping others, the exact same feeling comes when you push your talents into the limelight in an effort to enrich other people’s lives

When you hoard information, ideas, talents, anything really, your life will feel emptier despite the fact that you are holding onto more stuff

Think of it like when you hear a bit of good news about a close friend, and you cannot wait to tell the first person you see all about it. That is how you should treat your talents, skills, valuable information, and your positive feelings when interacting with anyone

I don’t want you running our and trying to be the next starter of the hippie revolution and put daisies in people’s gun barrels and smoke pot all day. Simply make a conscious effort to push out all the great stuff you run into

Don’t worry about people taking your ideas

Think about the passion you are adding to people’s lives

Don’t think your creations aren’t good enough for the public eye

Feel great that you have the balls to put yourself out there

Go out and spread the wealth

I promise you will come back richer than you were before

Cheers

Gabriel

The Idiots Guide to Using the Experts in Your Life

Gabriel Hummel — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 16:51:05 +0000

(Photo by isayx3)

How many people do you know? Do you have a large group of friends or family or even lead the life of a polygamist? Maybe you just have a lot of Facebook friends and you’re damn proud of it. Either way, chances are you know a fair amount of people in the world

Now I am going to assume that by reading my website you are trying to changes in your life (I know I am), and if your not then let me direct you to the perfect world section of your local library you lucky sob. Regardless of whether you are trying to make big changes or small changes, chances are you are in need of tools in order to best help you make these shifts in your life. While I am not speaking of running to your garage and grabbing a vacuum cleaner to suck out fat in an effort to loose weight, I am advocating making use of your large collection of friends that you have.

How can my friends help me do X,Y,Z?

Simply put, there is a damn good chance that your friends have access to knowledge or resources in the areas of their lives that you simply don’t have. Maybe you know a nutritionist, a hockey player, an artist, the list goes on and on. The amazing thing is that despite their own contacts, people constantly bitch about not having the right resources to make the changes in their lives. I want to talk about tapping into the unlimited and powerful information powerhouse that is your social circle and picking their brains in order to better help make powerful changes in your own life.

Lets jump into the rabbit hole a bit

Assume for a moment that you are trying to travel the world. Obviously this would be a big change in your life unless you are reading this blog posting from a netbook in a hammock on top of a hostel. You know this is something you need to do, but what’s the first step? Well you could dive right in and buy a ticket and get the hell out of dodge. While I love the initiative behind taking massive action so quickly, chances are you are going to screw around and research a bit before making such a life altering leap. You may turn to the internet, television, magazines, books, and while those are all awesome resources *cough* especially gabrielhummel.com *cough* there is something strong to be said for reaching out to someone who has experience in what you are trying to do and chatting with them for an extended amount of time.

Now at first glance this is obvious, “Of course I would talk to someone like that Gabriel, what do you think? That I am some sort of moron?” Alas I do not think anyone is a moron, but what will surprise you is that these friends of yours rarely get tapped into for advice. Of course you are likely to reach out to your best friend who builds computers for a living and rack his brain on what new shinny Macbook you should buy, but what If you aren’t close friends with the person? This is where a disconnect happens.

You may know a friend of a friend, who has traveled the world and seen over 100 countries, but he may not know you and you don’t really know him. In fact, your only connection to him is a mutual friend who you aren’t even close with anymore because he was friends with your ex girlfriend, or you had a class with him in college, etc. Chances are, you are not going to reach out and ask this guy for his advice. This is retarded. You know that he would offer great insight into this big shift you are about to make, hell he might even have some solid contacts to pass onto you for your long journey. None of this matters though, chances are, and you will trust your downloaded ebook on world travel over reaching out to this unknown figure.

There could be a number of reasons for this. Pride, guilt, shame, “I know it all” syndrome, and a plethora of other factors could prevent you from reaching out and finding the resources you need in your already abundant group of misfit friends. You need to stop caring so much about what people think and make the effort to reach out to people at these critical junctions in your life. Who cares if you don’t really know the guy! I can practically guarantee that if you attempt to contact them (even through your mutual friend) that they would be eager to meet up with you and tell you all about their story and their experience (See Why You Should Talk to Strangers) Anyone who is an expert or has a lot of experience in some field will be eager to share information, it’s just human nature.

Even if you do even know anyone remotely who has any experience in the area of your life that you are trying to make changes, reach out and ask people. Put a posting on Facebook asking if anyone know a friend who knows a lot about fitness. Ask your coworkers if anyone in the office is proficient with computers. Ask your teachers and family if they have any business contacts that might offer advice on how to get your own company started up. The options are limitless.

If you are already on top of this and making full use of your social circle, then let me internet high five you right now. If you are not, then get on the band wagon. Get over any of the potential shortcomings, social awkwardness, and worrying that might be running rampart through your mind and simply reach out to the people in your life who have already walked and talked the path your are about to embark on.

Gabirel

Why You Should Listen to Strangers

Gabriel Hummel — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:49:12 +0000

(Photo by Bibimorvarid)

What are some of the most amazing things you experience that are often taken for granted?

Your friends

Your family

Your significant other

I find that one of the most common things that people take for granted are the people in their lives, and more importantly their stories

A story can be anything, but typically it is a snapshot of their life that offers so much uniqueness and individuality that you can’t help but be fascinated

These stories are often overlooked, and many times are rarely even brought to the table in a conversation

I am here to tell you that some of the most fascinating and best learning experiences I have ever had in my life were when I had a engrossing LISTENING experience with my friends and family and even a stranger that I met for a few moments

Here are some tips and insight I have received while actively pursuing the stories of the many people I have met in my adventures around the world

Every person is unique in this world

They have their own appearance, style, interests, passions, everything

The most fascinating thing above all of this, and the single thing above all us that makes is individuals in this world is our life stories

These stories cannot be duplicated, reproduced, or even relived by anyone but the person who experienced it firsthand

Even identical twins that were raised the exact same way and were given the exact same life experience would turn out to have two completely different people, each with their own unique outlook on the rollercoaster that was their life

Every person you meet has one of these amazing stories to share

No matter what happened in your life, good or bad, your life story is amazing and those experiences are what shaped you into the person you are today. Listening to this story from someone is one of the most rewarding and powerful experiences you can have

All you need to do is have a conversation with someone

Instead of talking, proactive listening, ask people what they are passionate about, how they got interested into it, why they enjoy it

People will always fall back onto their life experiences, and offer you clips of their life that are reminiscent of a long study of a beautiful painting

Whether they are friends, family, or some random bar groupie, you will never be disappointed

It’s a great experience because the person you are talking to is fully engrossed in telling their tale

The passion and expressiveness that they use dwarfs any Michael Bay blockbuster or trip to a theme park, or even a night of passion (okay maybe not that )

You can also be offered a plethora of knowledge that will offer new insight and advice for use in your own life

One of the best ways to learn is by hearing it, “from the horse’s mouth” and hearing someone explain some experience that they went through can ultimately benefit you in your own present and future endeavors. This firsthand experience is some of the best information you will ever receive on any subject

I once struck up a conversation with a man who worked at a Caribou coffee, what started out as banter quickly evolved into a brief but intrinsic look into his life and his dreams of being a veterinarian. Every moment after I went into that store I was greeted warmly and was offered my normal coffee for free on the basis that I always came in on the evenings.

I have had similar instances with business connections, life advice, free drinks at bars, and even developed some great long term relationships out of merely having a meaningful conversation with another person, and taking a genuine interest in who they were and what they loved

Its not even about the material rewards, even if you never get anything physical in return, the mere act of doing this will be rewarding enough for you

The possibilities of opening yourself and your ears to the people you met on a day to day basis may not sound like the most fun idea, hell it might even seem boring

But I assure you that if you try this a few times, and learn to truly listen to someone and not just go through the motions like you normally would, you will find nuggets of gold in what people are saying

The next time you go to the bar, spend time with friends, run into someone at a grocery store, be sure chat them up and be sure to really listen to them and watch the benefits to them and yourself flow

Gabriel

The Unknown Golden Rule in Dating

Gabriel Hummel — Tue, 23 Jun 2009 15:52:51 +0000

(Photo by Virginiaz)

“He said he would call me sometime, so I’m sure I’ll hear from him soon”

“Did you see that chick last night, she was kissing me and all over me, she is going to be new my girlfriend guys”

Ever wonder why that guy hasn’t called you yet, or why that girl you made out with at the bar is simply not returning your calls?

During this journey of bar hopping, stalking guys and girls at malls, and even getting all dressed up to go to the grocery store to buy a piece of cheese, communication misinterpretation is bound to happen

It happens when that guy doesn’t call you back after the first date and you don’t know why

It happens when that girl you hooked up with at the bar does not return your phone calls and you don’t understand why she won’t see you again

It is this very misinterpretation that can cause you to waste countless hours on guys or girls who will not pan out in future

I want to show you what misinterpretation in relationships is, and how one rule can help you overcome lead yourself to more positive, healthy, and long lasting relationships

A woman and a man walk into a bar

The woman sits down at the bar and orders an apple martini, while the gentleman meets up with his friends and drinks a beer

The woman notices an attractive man sitting next to her and tries to get his attention by sitting more upright, running her hand around her drinking glass, and trying to make eye contact with him

The man drinking beer with his friends notices this ravishing woman from across the bar and works up the nerve to head in her direction and possibly strike a conversation

The woman finally gets the man’s attention sitting next to him by “accidently” bumping into him. They begin conversing though the man seems more interested in the football game on TV than this woman who is telling him how much she loves his leather jacket

Meanwhile the first man is watching this interaction take place, waiting for an opportune moment to get this stunning woman’s attention

The woman at the bar places her drink right next to the elbow of the man sitting next to her, where it is quickly struck by the man and onto the dress of the woman at the bar

The man at the bar notices and apologizes, and quietly excuses himself from the woman

The man with the beer has noticed this opportunity for a conversation and runs up with napkins to help the woman in distress

The woman says, “thank you” with a big smile on her face

The man believes that this woman must really like him for being so nice to her, and he immediately classifies her as his next potential girlfriend

The woman thinks the man who accidently knocked the drink on her will be back with his own napkins to help clean her up, and of course take her on a romantic date afterwards

Notice any problems with this scenario?

Misinterpretation in relationships can single handling cause more headaches and confusing in dating than any other somersault or back flip that seems to need to occur during the courting of a man or woman

The first man likely thought that because the girl at the bar said thank you , that he had scored and would likely spend the rest of the night tending to her every whim with the likelihood of getting a number that will lead to no man’s land

The woman at the bar likely is still attracted to the man who clearly is to interested in her, and will continue to ignore the man who is bending over backwards to make her happy

This is something that I see all the time, and not just in bars

This misinterpretation seems to occur with nearly every man and woman in nearly every relationship, at least at one point or another

If a guy tells a girl she looks pretty, he could be doing it in a nice way, or in a sexual way

A girl will almost always assume it means that he is into her

If a girl tells a guy that he is really nice and he is a good guy

A guy will likely believe that she is into him by paying such a nice compliment

The common denominator in any of these scenarios is the uncanny ability of the human mind to rationalize and analyze anything a guy or girl does and interpret in a way that benefits them

While having “blind confidence” can support you in achieving your dreams in life, there are moments when you must truly understand a situation before you can exert a level of “all-knowingness”

When it comes to the topic of relationships and misinterpretation it is important to understand this simple rule

1) If a guy(girl) wants to see you, he(she) will find a way to see you

Note that when I say see you, you can replace that with nearly any verb (call you, talk to you, kiss you, etc)

This rule will allow you less stress and more understanding in all of you’re dating and relationships adventures

While as a guy or a girl, having confidence, whether blind or not, is amazing for dating as it will make you more attractive to most guys and girls

It is the moments described above when this rule can be applied

When that girl kindly brushes you off, you can understand that her genuinely saying sorry when she steps on your foot at a bar was not an attempt for you to take her back to your place

Now as a man you can change your approach and try again, or move on because you are wasting time

When a man says he’s going to call you, and he doesn’t try to kiss you, hug you, or even touch your hand when he leaves that bar stool next to you

As a woman you can realize that he wasn’t worth your time, brush it off, and find a guy worthy of your attention

See how simple this is?

Exercise this rule in moments of confusion during your relationships and watch your stress and success rises

Let me know how your next bar crawl goes

Change Your Vocabulary, Change Your Life

Gabriel Hummel — Mon, 08 Jun 2009 16:34:57 +0000

(Photo by Nick Tober)

“God I am so pissed off”

“Why do terrible things always happen to me”

“Today is going to be amazing”

“My life is like an adventure, I’m not sure what’s going to happen next”

When we get stressed we tend to lash out and use very negative and descriptive words in order to better express our distress

Similarly, when we are ecstatic and joyful we tend to use more positive words to describe the way we are feeling

What is interesting is that what type of vocabulary we use in a given situation can have massive influence on the way we perceive it, and changing your vocabulary can cause radical positive change in your life

Here are some ways changing your vocabulary can instantly change your mood and drastically improve your quality of life

Ever been in bad situation and got so irritated and pissed off that your vocabulary became reminiscent of a Quentin Tarentino movie?

“##$%% THAT $%% #$%%%”

Everyone has done this before; sometimes you just lose control of yourself and your tongue

Stress, anger, and frustration can all lead us to adopt a negative and powerful vocabulary from time to time

What I have noticed is that in times of intense joy or intense anger, now only does HOW you say something effect how you feel about it, but more importantly, WHAT you say can be one of the biggest determinants in how you react anything that occurs in your life

For example, say you talking with a stranger and they say something that angers you, even though it was completely unintentional on their end

Your mind will instantly begin racing like a hamster spinning in a cage of a million reasons why you should be pissed off at this person

In your head might say, “Wow this guy is a real asshole, who the #$^% does he think he is”

You might even call him a “Dick, Loser, Punk” or any other explicative that I’m sure we could all come up with

What important to not here is the use of vocabulary

Saying an explicative like, “S$%^, F&*^, etc” instantly gets most people into a more irritated and pissed of mindset

What if we took that same situation and replaced the nouns and verbs used?

“Wow this guys is really inconsiderate; I wonder why he is acting so rudely towards me”

How much more calm on a scale of 1-10 did that sentence just become?

It easily went from a 9 to about a 4

The same can be said for using the right terminology in a positive light

Consider the simple notion of someone asking you how your day is going

This is one of the most used phrases in the English language, and it also has some of the most predictable of answers

If you asked 100 people how they’re doing today, at least 80 of them will say something along the lines of “I’m fine” or “I’m good”

While these responses are neither good nor bad, the fact is, they do not help us get into a more positive state of mind

Instead use the power of vocabulary

The next time someone asks you how your (insert noun) went or how you are doing, use a powerful adjective to describe it in the best possible light

“My day is going gloriously”

You may have read that and laughed and maybe even thought that sounded stupid

That’s good, that means that the response is at least getting your body and mind involved on some level, which is far superior to the mundane response of “I’m doing fine”

Use whatever words you like

Awesome, kickass, stupendous, amazing,

Any words that motivate you will be best suited to use in a conversation with someone or when you are thinking about any given situation

As you can see, the words we use in day to day life, both in person and in our heads drastically influence they way we act and feel

By effectively changing our vocabulary, we can change our lives

The next time you find yourself getting in a bad or negative mood, shift your vocabulary in order to change they way you feel about it

The situation it’s the worst thing that could ever happen to you, it’s just an inconvenience

And the next time everything is going good, your wrong, its going gloriously

You Don’t Have to Be Gandhi to See the Best in People

Gabriel Hummel — Wed, 20 May 2009 19:16:04 +0000

(Photo by Shrimaitreya)

People are very quick to judge in this day and age

Even if you don’t want to admit it, we all have done it from time to time

You see a homeless person on the street and think, “Wow did he ever !@#$ up”

You witness a man getting rejecting by a woman at a bar and laugh to yourself, “what a loser”

You see someone cleaning up trash and think, “What a bad job, why does he do that?”

We all have been partners in crime in the down trotting of others at some point, and everyone can admit that it’s not the best asset we have as human beings

But no worries

I have developed a technique that allows you to instantly see the best in people, and thereby increase the positivity in your life and in the lives of others

Gandhi was one of the most influential forces that occurred in the eastern hemisphere of the globe

His passive resistance and adherence to nonviolent protest forever changed the countries of the middle east, but also set an example for human beings around the world

While everyone appreciated Gandhi and what he has done, very few people are running around in white handmade linen and discarding all worldly possessions in order to help sustain peace around the world

And that’s fine, because one of the major concepts that Gandhi understood, if everyone else in the world practiced, would drastically change the world we live in today, and well into the future

Gandhi and many other human rights leaders all understood one fundamental truth

That everyone is equal

They understood that everyone on this planet is equal in value, and that no one person is better than another despite what possessions, power, health, or even state of mind they hold in difference to another person on this planet

I know what you are thinking, “I don’t hold any prejudices towards anyone, and I support affirmative action, and I to believe in the teachings of Martin Luther King, Mother Teresa, Gandhi, and other human rights leaders”

That may very well be true, but what we are striving to is isn’t to abolish all prejudices that may or may not exist (though that is a amazing cause I believe in) but rather to influence that way you view people that you see in day to day life, even your friends and family that you may pass judgment on if but only for a brief moment

When you pass judgment is happens in an instant, without even thinking about it

Because it is a human reflex in so many of us, it is better to change the result of what our reflex entails instead of trying to abolish reflex itself

In order to do this I need you to think of people you have passed judgment on in the past week

(I know you have, everyone has)

Maybe your sibling made some dumb comment and you thought, “what an idiot”

Maybe your spouse was complaining to you about how you left the seat up on the toilet for the millionth time and you thought to yourself, “Man is she annoying”

Or maybe you just saw some person at a mall drop their shopping bags all over the ground and you got a laugh out of how clumsy they were

What you need to do is picture the instance in your head and visualize it happening again

But instead of readdressing your previous negative reflex, look at the person and determine some great quality about them

It can be anything

Maybe they have great hair, or they look like might a fun person to hang out with, maybe they have some attractive physical features, or even recognize that it’s a person that you love and care for

Whatever it may be, you need to shift your focus from the negative initial feeling to this new positive aspect of the person

You will find that you will smile at the situation and be happy, instead of any other negative emotion that initially occurred

You can utilize this on more than a small scale as well

Try going to a public area, and view the hundreds or even thousands of people all around you

Seek out people that you would normally pass instant judgment on

And shift your focus

You will begin to notice that viewing everyone walking around feeds you with nothing but positive emotions

You can’t help but feel good when you look around at all the different people around you

This is a step towards being a more positive human being, and you will find that by being more positive and non judgmental of the people around you, you will be rewarded with more positive things in your life

That person that you may have normally brushed off with judgment, may offer you your next best job

Or an opportunity for a new and exciting relationship

The options are endless

And the potential is limitless

Go out and see the best in people, and watch your perspective on life shift to new amazing heights